The Toilet Paper Calculator

Toilet roll that says it's the end of the roll as we know it

The hoarding of toilet paper seems to have died down, at least in comparison to March. But for those who didn’t panic buy multipacks of the stuff, you might want to economise when you get some. Enter the Toilet Paper Calculator.

Created by Nathan Yau, the Toilet Paper Calculator takes four inputs based on:

  • How many people live in your home
  • How many times each person wipes per day
  • How many sheets they use per wipe
  • How many sheets per roll of your toilet paper of choice

Are these personal questions? Hell yeah. But do they really need to be asked? Hell yeah; this is your money and the environment we’re talking about. The toilet paper calculator is there to help you get no more toilet roll than you actually need and stop those repeat offenders who use big wads for one wipe.

But if this sounds like TMI (tedious mathematical information), you could try one of Nathan’s mentioned alternatives to toilet paper including:

  • Bidet — a common bathroom installation in mainland Europe
  • Rags or old socks — “Wash after each use.”
  • Leaves — “Probably bigger ones are better. I cannot speak from experience.”
  • Some other water source — “Use a squirt bottle or spray bottle.”

I don’t recommend you use leaves for the sake of your health and your pipes. If all else fails, use your hand, wash it for 40 seconds, and don’t tell anyone. We already know too much about people who don’t wash their legs in the shower. Another good reason for social distancing I suppose.

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