Steamed Hams but in the style of Seinfeld

The "Steamed Hams" Simpsons episode in the style of Seinfeld

As Simpsons memes go, Steamed Hams is the most popular. It never seems to lose traction and I’ve recently discovered a host of them on YouTube. My favourite is this rendition, stylised as a Seinfeld episode complete with canned laughter. They even changed the mention of Krusty Burgers to “Skinner Burgers” for added authenticity. I want more of these episodes, to be honest.

I cannot get enough of these. Who knew something so simple could produce so many hilarious memes?

Steamed Hams but it's Seinfeld

18 Minutes of Batman Forever Mistakes on YouTube

The Riddler and Two-Face in Batman Forever

I remember going to see it at the cinema back in 1995. I even collected the sticker book that came with it. But Batman Forever has not aged well. In my twentysomething wisdom, I started spotting inaccuracies and considered writing them down… until I found someone on YouTube who’d got there first.

Jeremy Scott is a writer and entertainer from Nashville and his CinemaSins series on YouTube is hilarious. For this episode, he flicked through a host of plot holes in Batman Forever in “18 minutes or less”. There’s also a mistake from Jeremy amongst his own corrections but you’ll have to watch to find out what it was.

In defence of Batman Forever, there were some good elements. Val Kilmer was actually a decent Batman/Bruce Wayne. Not as dark and monosyllabic as the GOAT Michael Keaton in Batman and Batman Returns, but not as George Clooney-y as George Clooney in Batman and Robin. Jim Carrey as Edward Nygma/The Riddler was pretty good too. As camp as you’d expect from a Joel Schumacher movie and a stylistic nod to the 60s TV series (which I also loved as a kid).

Stream Everything Wrong With Batman Forever via the YouTube player below.

Everything Wrong With Batman Forever In 18 Minutes Or Less

Picasso was a misogynistic douchebag

Pablo Picasso, Bust of a Woman (Dora Maar), 1938

I studied graphic design at college and frequented the art department where his work was copied and analysed. My opinions of him then were neutral. But as my interest in modernism has grown, my thoughts on his work have gone in the opposite direction. His depiction of women began to irk me as I read interpretations of his pieces and similar works under the “Cubist” guise. Along with the fetishisation of the “primitive”, it felt less like art and more like exploitation. And today, I read this article by Jason Kottke.

He referenced a piece by Cody Delistraty in the Paris Review which itself referenced Picasso’s granddaughter Marina Picasso. In her memoirs, she opened up about how her family struggling under the shadow of his artistry. “He needed blood to sign each of his paintings: my father’s blood, my brother’s, my mother’s, my grandmother’s, and mine. He needed the blood of those who loved him.” Many family members and women close to him (former wives and mistresses) killed themselves after his death. His actions towards women were abhorrent.

“Women are machines for suffering […] For me there are only two kinds of women, goddesses and doormats.”

— Picasso to his mistress, Françoise Gilot in 1943. He was 61 and she was 21.

My ignorance of Picasso as a person – stemmed from my lack of interest in his art – meant his misogyny passed me by. But that’s how society works when it comes to abusive men marked as “geniuses”; disgusting acts are misattributed as momentary transgressions. Picasso physically, verbally, and emotionally abused women, cheated on his wives and had sex with a minor (whose mother accepted the affair and “welcomed her daughter’s seducer as a friend”).

Calling his work was overrated isn’t to denounce his horrific behaviour. It allows for scrutiny his art. His misogyny has directly contributed to the paintings held in the highest esteem by fans and critics. Collectors have paid hundreds of millions of dollars for depictions of violence against women. As more sexual assault allegations emerge from men in Hollywood, we start to see a deep network of misogyny and abuse from men who treat women like sub-humans. Some of these revelations were disclosed and ignored. Woody Allen is revered despite his repeated predatory. So does Roman Polanksi. Harvey Weinstein continued his career while sexually abusing women. These scumbags use the labour and spirit of women to gain power and control in a system tailor-made for them and them only. As more people bravely speak out about their abuse, it’s time we look again at these highly-regarded figures.

999: What's Your Pizza Emergency?

Pizza Is Not A Crime by Chris Piascik

It’s happened to me before but I’ve refrained from calling the cops on them vendors. This person couldn’t contain his anger. Gloucestershire Constabulary received a call from a person complaining about their incorrect order, much to the police’s chagrin. Officers took to Facebook to issue a warning to would-be pizza complainants:

“If your pizza topping is not correct, please do not ring the police on 999 to report it […] 999 is for emergency calls.”

Naturally, Facebook users ensued with their own clever quips. We still think Donald Trump eating pizza crust first is a bigger crime to cuisine (and his snivelling existence a crime against humanity.)

(via Metro; image by Chris Piascik)

Journalist Charts Every Quantum Leap On A Map

Quantum Leap

A journalist by the name of Josh Jones created an interactive map tracing every “quantum leap” Sam Beckett made on the show. Each location is marked with the episode number and description.

Of the 93 leaps in 5 series, most of them occurred on his home turf. A few happened in Europe, one in Africa (Egypt) and another in Asia (Japan). Continents he never visited include Central and South America, and Australia. Could Sam find himself searching the ruins of Machu Picchu or navigating Australia during colonial times in the movie? We’ll leave the ideas to Donald Bellisario.

(via Gizmodo)

Gabrielle Union eats hot wings, discusses Twitter fools & DMX

Gabrielle Union Impersonates DMX While Eating Spicy Wings | Hot Ones

Gabrielle Union is a treasure. When she’s not being a brilliant actress, absolute beauty, or a best-selling author, she enjoys a wing or two. First We Feast’s Hot Ones series has guests talk about their lives while eating the spiciest wings available. During Gabrielle’s wing stop, she discussed her husband Dwyane Wade’s friendship with LeBron James, the time she took Michael Jordan to a lesbian white party (that one passed me by) and when she drank beer and watched Golden Girls with DMX. Yep, that last one happened too. And she also drooled and snotted because the Scoville scale was too damn high.

Have a glass of milk nearby.